Dear Bryce

Dear Bryce,

I wish I hadn't moved so far away. I liked being close to you.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was in the mall today and I heard someone—a guy—laughing and I turned around really quick because he sounded like you. But he wasn't you and he had a girl with him.
Isn't that sad? That I can still remember exactly the way you sound.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

You remember when we pulled that prank on Alex? The one where we took all his skirts and stuffed them in his bathroom cupboard up high where he couldn't reach because he's so short? Yeah, I thought of that today because someone mentioned skirts. I don't remember who it was though…

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I miss waking up beside you.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was eating a banana today for breakfast without thinking about it. And then I had to stop because I was crying and couldn't get past the snot in my throat. Ahaha, nasty. Damien asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't answer.
Too much snot.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

Damien and I went walking around in downtown today. One of the buildings looks exactly like the ice cream parlor we used to sneak off to when we ditched. I didn't realise I was walking towards it until a car honked at me. I was in the middle of the street, haha. You always did call me airhead. I guess you had a reason for that.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was going through my closet and I found the shirt you liked so much of mine. That old ratty T-shirt that says "Gamers do it better."
I couldn't figure out whether to throw it out or wear it, so I put it back on the hanger.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I think about you every night before I go to bed. It sounds dirty, but it's not.

…okay, shut up. Maybe sometimes it is.
MAYBE.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I finally played soccer again today. It felt weird. I kept waiting for someone to yell "Pass it, Fence!"
It didn't happen.
I did get a ball to the face when I wasn't paying attention though.
Airhead, right?

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

Damien found a big stash of candy from last Valentine's Day and we shared it, because, y'know… it's candy.
I couldn't eat the Tootsie Rolls. They were your favorite. And I got mad that Damien was. I kept thinking that you were going to walk in and say, "Get your paws off mah Toots, mofo."
The mini Snickers were good though.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I hate you.

me.

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Dear Bryce,

okay that was mean. I don't actually hate you… I think.
I'm kinda screwed up, haha.
And I.. don't really know what else to say.
I hope you don't hate me either.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I went to that ice cream parlor in downtown. Double chocolate chip peppermint doesn't taste as good here as it does over there.
They didn't have a single photo of a rockabilly on the wall. It felt weird.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was reading a book today but I had to stop because one of the character's names is Brice. I know, it's not your name exactly… but…

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I wore the gamer shirt.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I thought about playing Mabinogi today.
I didn't.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was watching a movie today with a friend and the house where the family lives has a big staircase, one of those old fashioned ones that are super wide and have big, wide hand rails. Like in Gone with the Wind.
I have no idea what happened in that scene because I kept staring at the handrails.
I remember how much they hurt sliding down them. Haha.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I hope you never forget that night that we spent on the grounds, climbing trees, laughing and running from the security guard.
I hope you never forget what happened when we got back to the dorm room either.
I sure as hell can't.
Too bad we had an exam the next day.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I keep wondering if I did the right thing. I tell myself I did, but I'm not sure.
I kinda want to ask you what do you think…
but I'm scared of the answer.
Coward.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was shopping with a friend this weekend and she got really mad at me when I turned down another shirt she pointed out. She said "Why won't you get a green one? They go so well with your eyes!"
And then I remembered that you had once said the same thing.
I haven't bought or worn a green shirt since we broke up.
Gotta love psychology.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I woke up at 6 am today (I know, weird) and I turned on the TV. I kept flipping channels and then I landed onto some kid's network. Teletubbies was on. Who knew?
I was laughing so hard I woke up Damien.
He wiped my eyes. I think I'm the only person to ever cry over Teletubbies.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

Derek called me today to tell me about a hockey game. I told him I was going somewhere, but it was a lie.
I couldn't bare to hear about hockey. It's your favorite sport.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

You said once soccer was your favorite sport. Jeesh, just pick one.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

This notebook is getting full of this shit. And it won't stop spewing. I can't help it.
Kinda like you couldn't help your Toots cravings.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I was determined to do everything I've been avoiding today.
I ate corn flakes with sugar and I had a Tootsie Roll afterwards.
I called up Derek, we talked hockey.
I played soccer with Angel. I haven't seen him for awhile, so that was good.
I logged onto Mabinogi  but I couldn't play. People started PMing me… and I couldn't respond. So I logged off.
I stole a green shirt from Damien. I'm wearing it.
I thought about you all day, on purpose.
This was supposed to make it hurt less.
It's not working.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I saw a cardinal today and it reminded me of your hair.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I played Pokemon Blue today and I named all of my pokemon after yours.
I had to stop though, because (guess what?) I was crying.
"Crybaby"

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

Do you hurt too?

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I went down the handrail of staircase today.
It still hurts, but I'm not sure… if it was because of the rail.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I snuck outside last night and climbed a tree. I tried to remember all the stars you pointed out, but I can't remember them.
Only you could see the stars.

Love,
me.

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Dear Bryce,

I woke up this morning and realised that I hadn't dreamed or thought of you the night before.
I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't.
… I kinda wish I did. Call me masochist but… I don't really want to get over you.

Love,
me.