Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
To: You,

We humans have a brain for a reason. We use it to think, to guess, to assume, but when we actually know something, that's when it's important.
When I know something, I hold onto it.

I'm guessing I'm writing this because I bottle everything up. I'm guessing I bottle everything up because I have trust problems. I'm assuming that I'm writing this in the middle of my notebook where it's not easily accessed because I'm distrustful.

And I know that's how this started: TRUST

A five letter word that's the key to every relationship.

When I do trust someone, I trust them fully and completely; without doubt. When you trusted me, I was so happy. But I didn't realise that the way you trust people is different from my way.
You tell people things, and hope to hear something back, but don't really expect it.
But that's because you don't realise. You don't realise that people want to trust you, to tell you things.
I didn't realise that trusting people so fully was a bad thing.
I've only been wrong about it once before.
Now the tally is up at two.

I trusted him with my secrets; he trusted me with his. I trusted him with my thoughts, my feelings, my jokes, my tears, my laughs and my screams.
I trusted him with everything.
And I guess, because of that, he fell in love with me.

I trusted him to not fall in love with me, because I loved him, but wasn't in love with him, and, well, that didn't work out well.
Because he did.

And geezus, does love make things complicated.

So then because he trusted me, he told me he loved me after I hadn't trusted to tell him to say that we, me and you, hadn't broken up.

Poor guy.
He didn't know.

I trusted him to not take that kiss as anything significant.
I shouldn't have.

You trusted me to make the right desicion.
I don't know if I did.

Another thing I know: I'm very confused.
I love you and only you...
... but my love is for him and all for him.

You shouldn't have trusted me.
I hurt you.
I hurt him.
I hurt myself.
I don't know what to do.

Everyday, I'm with him, I talk to him, I laugh with him, I see him, but...

I think of you.
When my mind wanders, I wonder how you are, or what you're doing or what you're thinking. Sometimes I wonder if you're wondering about me.

I guess trust is complicated, too.

Someday I'll figure it all out, and we'll all trust each other.

But, maybe, only two of us will be in love.

I promise that day will come. I know it will.

Do you trust me?

From Me.

PS: I wish you were here.
:raincloud:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconreilune:
Reilune Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2010  Professional General Artist
wow.. this is what I want to write.. but know it's too dangerous to write. Thank you.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2010
I don't really know why you're thanking me.
Thank you for reading this. :heart:
Reply
:iconreilune:
Reilune Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010  Professional General Artist
:P Me either ;)
Reply
:iconkibirkstele:
kibirkstele Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
Just before I start: I love reading rambles.
It;s like a gate to someone's mind and someone's soul and it's beautiful because it's honest and un-fabricated and because you can feel the letters taping at your heart when you read it.
And that's what this did to me.

And I'm glad you wrote it down to show it to me and the rest of people who read it.
Mine often escape me...

And I hope you sorted all that trouble out.
And Barbara is right, you should write more. :)
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2009
Oh, gosh, thanks.

I was in such a confused state that I didn't really care and decided to post it.

Sometimes, I write out my feelings like this: in a letter to the person who is most connected with it. I kinda borrowed the idea from Oprah, because she said to write a letter to someone you're mad at, but don't send it. And, uhm, yeah I watch Oprah, shut up. :D

Anyways, so I have a couple of these that maybe I should post.

I'm self-conscious about personal writing, because it's like: "here, let me lay out my emotions on table and then you can take it to a microscope or a chopping block and have fun with it."

Wow, I just don't shut up sometimes.
: X
It really helps me let stuff out, you should try it more if you've got stuff packed inside that you need to let out. :]
Reply
:iconspazzy-poptart:
spazzy-poptart Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009  Hobbyist
That was*sniff* ... deep.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2009
... and true.
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconbarbed-m-mud:
barbed-m-mud Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2009
I know this whole was/is painful for you, but you really need to write stuff out more often.
Because this was just fucking beautiful.
The PS was... I don't even have words for it. Heartripping? Gutstabbing?
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2009
;_;
Thanks...(?)
Reply
:iconbarbed-m-mud:
barbed-m-mud Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2009
*smooch*
I love you, you silly, stupid boy.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2009
You're sooo weird sometimes.
Reply
:iconbarbed-m-mud:
barbed-m-mud Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2009
I know.
Runs in the blood.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2009
Does it really?
Reply
:iconbarbed-m-mud:
barbed-m-mud Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2009
Yup.
you obviously have never met my mother
Reply
:iconcrazybabydragon:
CrAzYBaByDrAgOn Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
this..was really beautiful...such strong feelings in it...it almost made me cry...
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
:hug: Thank you. <3
Reply
:iconcrazybabydragon:
CrAzYBaByDrAgOn Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
:) You’re welcome :hug:
Maybe you should write such poetry more often - I really enjoyed it. (but I have a feeling you were really sad when you wrote that... :( am I right?...)
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
I wouldn't really call this poetry. Honestly, I have no idea what to call it, but since it's true, I guess it's nonfiction. :shrug:
Uhm... yes, I'm sad, but I'm also very happy. It's like I feel both emotions at the same time. This was my way of letting it out.
Reply
:iconcrazybabydragon:
CrAzYBaByDrAgOn Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
it must be really hard on you to be split like this... :hug: I think that maybe you should let your friends know how you feel...It should make you feel a bit better...
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
Pretty much everyone knows what happened, they just don't really know how or why it happened. And I've told all the people I need to, so I'm fine.
Reply
:iconcrazybabydragon:
CrAzYBaByDrAgOn Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2009
I'm glad to hear you're fine now :hug: :) hope it wasn't that bad...
Reply
:iconparallelepiped:
Parallelepiped Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2009
Wow...That's...that's all I have to say.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
;_;
All other words escape you?
Reply
:iconparallelepiped:
Parallelepiped Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
Yeah basically. Tis very deep and stuff.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
Do you like it? =3=
Reply
:iconparallelepiped:
Parallelepiped Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
Yes. =3
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
:]
Reply
:iconparallelepiped:
Parallelepiped Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
[:
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2009
: P
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkoryanshea:
Koryanshea Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009  Student Writer
Trust is devious. It wiggles its way up to you and you don't even know you have it or that you gave it until it's too late to do anything about it. Sometimes I think trust is not the key, but the lock. And then I wonder, what is the key?

You got me thinking. Bravo. Not many people manage to do that. I'm quite glad I stumbled upon this text.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009
Thank you very much. I didn't really... plan this. I was in a mood and I just sat down and wrote. I thought about making a poem out of it, but my poetry skills are somewhat lacking. :)

If truth is the lock, then the key would be appreciation for the other person. :shrug: That's what I'm thinking.
Reply
:iconkoryanshea:
Koryanshea Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009  Student Writer
I know what you mean. Most of my stuff isn't planned. Actually, all of my stuff is really spur-of-the-moment except for the Ophelia poem - that one was planned from start to finish and took a little over 6 hours of continuous work to complete.
Reply
:iconboredomkillz:
boredomkillz Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009
Wow, I don't think I've ever really put that much work into any of my writings unless it was a story.
Or a personal poem, maybe.
I might have to check out your gallery now. ;)
Reply
:iconkoryanshea:
Koryanshea Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2009  Student Writer
It's part of my series of poems inspired by myths and legend. It started as a project for my Literature class in college but soon evolved on its own.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconboredomkillz: More from boredomkillz


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
January 28, 2009
File Size
3.0 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
266
Favourites
6 (who?)
Comments
55
×